


A Fitting End

by Fangodess



Series: A Story in Three Parts [3]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: (that you can forget is a soulmate au half the time because i forget it half the time), Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Mutual Pining, Star Trek: Into Darkness, Star Trek: Into Darkness Spoilers, but they love eachother, listen their both idiots okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-02-10 23:17:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18670372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangodess/pseuds/Fangodess
Summary: The conclusion to my soulmate AU. They can all be read as stand alones but if you want to read the first two they're part of the seriesI'm going to put a disclaimer here because I use a lot of the source material to set up to the main scenes I want so I want to say disclaimer I don't own star trek or anything related to it. This is just my rewriting of this movie.





	1. Belief

**Author's Note:**

> Okay i know i know. I promised that this would be a three part series but then i was like a 4th of the way through and it was already twice the size of the other works so i decided to make it multichapteral. I should be uploading the other parts quickly because i have most of what comes next planned. I'm sorry this is taking so long but i didn't want to leave you guys with nothing so i figured i could just break this third part into chapters (4 or 5 maybe more if this runs away from me any more than it already has) but yeah
> 
> TL;DR sorry this is multichapteral it was the only way i could think to get this fic out soon and be able to develop it how i want. I hope you like it!
> 
> Oh and also this alternates between Spock's pov and Jim's pov although its in third person both times because i cant write in first for some reason

“Scotty, where's Spock?” Jim cuts off Scotty to ask.

“Still in the volcano, sir.” Jim takes off running to the bridge.

“Keptain on the bridge!” Chekov announces when he enters.

“Uhura?” Jim asks, panicked, running over to the communication station.

She looks just about as grim as he does when she replies, “Heats frying his comms. But we still have a connection.”

“Spock?” His voice far too open and vulnerable.

**“** I have activated the device, Captain.” Spock says. Jim feels his shoulders sag in relief.

“When the countdown is complete, the reaction should render the volcano inert.”

**“** Yeah,” Bones cuts in, “and that's going to render him inert.”

“Do we have use of the transporters?” Jim says, turning frantically to Sulu.

“Not with these magnetic fields.” Chekov says.

Jim felt his throat close up. “I need to beam Spock back to the ship.” he hopes that his voice didn’t sound as tight as he felt it did. “Give me a way to do it.”

“Maybe if we had a direct line of sight? If we got closer?” Chekov offers.

“If that thing erupts, I cannae guarantee we can withstand the heat,” Scotty interjects.

“I don't know if we can maintain that kind of altitude,” Sulu adds.

**“** Our shuttle was concealed by the ash cloud, but the Enterprise is too large,” Spock continues.

Kirk buries his face in his hand and sighs. “Nobody knows rules better than you, but there has got to be an exception.” Desperation floods him.

***

“None,” Spock replies, “Such action violates the Prime Directive.”

“Damnit Spock! We're trying to save you,” Doctor McCoy snaps

“Doctor,” Spock says. “the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.”

**“** Spock, we're talking about your life!” Jim sounds angry or desperate or something else that Spock can’t determine.

“The rule cannot be broken.”

***

“If Spock were here and I were there what would he do?” Jim mumbled, more to himself than anyone else.

“He would let you die,” Bones gruffly replies.

“No,” Jim says shaking his head and turning to Bones, “I can’t believe that.” He knows that his face is too open. He knows that even if Bones couldn’t read him like a book, even if Bones didn’t already know, that now it has to be so clear on his face that he’s desperately in love with Spock. He can’t find it in himself to care because he doesn’t have time to stop or Spock will die.

“Get directly over him and beam him up,” Jim orders and takes off running to the transporter room

***

Spock knows he’s going to die here. He also knows his objections are about more than the rules. If something goes wrong and the captain comes for him, he will die as well and Spock can’t allow that. Spock closes his eyes and tilts his head towards the sky and prepares for death.

“Spock! You all right?”

Spock snaps his head down and looks around. He was on the transporter pad. He should not be here. “Captain, you let them see our ship,” He says.

 

***

Bones huffs out a laugh and says, “he's fine.”

“You saved the world,” Jim says, beaming at Spock.

Spock didn’t frown but Jim could see the annoyance in his eyes. “You violated the Prime Directive.”

“Oh, come on, Spock,” He says, smacking Spock’s shoulder “They saw us. Big deal. It’ll be fine.”

***

“Spock this is it isn’t it?” Jim says, bouncing from what Spock assumed was nervous energy as they walked towards Pike’s office. “They’re going to ask us to do the first five-year mission.”

“It is highly unlikely we will be selected,” Spock replies.

“Why else would Pike want to see us?” Jim askes, “The Enterprise is the newest ship in the fleet who else are they going to send?”

***

“Uneventful.” Was the first thing Pike says once they were both in his office.

“Admiral?” Jim asks, brow furrowing in confusion.

“Your description of the survey of Nibiru,” Pike replies.

“Yes, sir,” Jim shrugs, “No need to waste anyone’s time with details.”

“Tell me about the volcano? It would wipe out the planet if it erupted,” Pike pauses, “Right?”

“Yes, sir. Let’s hope it doesn’t,” Jim says nodding.

“But it won’t will it?” Pike replies and Jim panicked.

“Sir?” Jim asks.

“You know how I know that? Because how could it possibly erupt when Mister Spock detonated a cold fusion device inside it right after a civilization who barely invented the wheel saw a starship rising out of their ocean,” Pike snaps, “That’s how you described it is it not Mr. Spock?”

***

“Admiral,” Spock says.

Jim turns to him with betrayal in his eyes. “You filed a report? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I incorrectly assumed you would not lie in your captains log,” Spock attempts to remain calm.

“I wouldn’t have had too if I didn’t have to save your life,” Jim snaps.

“Which is why I felt the need to take responsibility…” Spock tries to justify.

Jim cuts him off, “Well how noble of you,” he scoffs.

Pike intervenes, “Starfleet’s mandate is to explore and observe but not interfere.”

“Had the mission gone according to plan that would have been what had happened.”

“A technicality.” Pike replies

“As a Vulcan we embrace that.”

“Are you giving me attitude?”

“To which attitude are you referring?” Spock asks, raising an eyebrow

“You are dismissed commander get out.” Pike sighs, annoyance clear to Spock. Spock looks over to Jim, who wont even look at him, before he leaves

***

“What’s the lesson to be learned here?” Pike asks, sighing.

“Never trust a Vulcan,” Jim says, laughing.

“You think the rules don’t apply to you because you disagree with them.”

“That’s why you talked me into signing up for Starfleet. Its why you gave me your ship.”

“I saw greatness in you  _ that’s  _ why I gave you my ship.”

“Was I supposed to let Spock die?” Jim cries.

“You’re missing the point,” Pike barks back.

“What would you have done? If it had been Number One in Spock’s,” Jim snaps.

“That’s different,” Pike snaps, “We’re soulmates.”

“What would you have done?” Jim snarls, angry and low.

“I wouldn’t have risked her life like that in the first place!” Pike yells, “You violated a dozen regulations and almost killed everyone in your command. You altered a planets destiny.”

“How many crew members have I lost since I took command?” Jim asks.

“You think you’re untouchable that’s part of the problem.”

“Not one!”

“You think you’re perfect, infallible, the rules apply to anyone but you.”

“Maybe some should be.” Kirk snarls.

“You’re playing God!” Pike snaps, “Admiral Marcus has been brought into this. They’re taking the enterprise from you and sending you back to the academy.”

“Pike,” Jim says, deflating.

“You don’t respect the chair because you aren’t ready for it.”

“Admiral  _ please _ ” Jim asks, voice cracking.

“This is out of my control now,” Pike says shaking his head, “Dismissed Commander.”

Jim flinches but leaves without a word.

***

“Captain,” Spock says as Jim enters the lift.

“Not anymore,” Jim murmured, “I was demoted and you were reassigned.”

“Fortunate the consequences were not more severe,” Spock said, nodding.

Jim scoffed, “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“Captain, it was never my intention…”

Jim cuts him off, “Not Captain. I saved your life and I lost my ship Spock.” They step off the lift.

“I should have alerted you of the report,” Spock attempts to reconcile.

“Where I come from if someone saves your life you don’t stab them in the back,” Jim says shaking his head.

“Vulcans cannot lie,” Spock replied.

“Fine then I’m talking about to the human half,” Jim sighed, “Do you know why I came back for you?”

Spock opens his mouth to say something but Captain Abbot walks over. “Commander Spock. Looks like you’re with me.”

“Affirmative Captain,” Spock says.

“I’ll see you on the ship,” Abbot nods and then he walks away.

Jim turns to him and shakes his head. “Spock, the truth is,” he sighs and runs a hand through his hair, “I’m gunna miss you.” He claps a hand on Spock’s shoulder and walks away leaving Spock speechless.

***

“Sir, in the event of an attack, protocol mandates that senior command gather captains and first officers at Starfleet HQ, right here. In this room.”

Spock backs him up and something angry and hostile in Jim wants to lash out and snarl that he doesn’t need Spock’s fucking help but he doesn’t have time to say anything before a blinding light fills the room. “Clear the room!” Jim yells.

***

Everything in Spock screams to protect Jim, to protect his soulmate but after the explosion and the gunfire he can’t find him. He finds Pike and knows that he has to help him. Pike dies before Jim can get to them. The pain he feels through the meld he had with Pike as he died is nothing compared to the pain Spock feels at the noise Jim lets out when he finds Pike dead.

***

Jim knows he already pushing it asking for his command back but he also knows that no matter how much Spock pissed him off he can’t do this without him.

***

Spock doesn’t know what to say when Jim asks for him to be reinstated as first officer so he says nothing.

***

“Jim! Where were you?” Bones snapped, storming over to Jim.

“What?” Jim asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Your medical exam.”

“I’m fine Bones.”

“Like hell,” Bones snapped.

“I’m fine,” Jim snaps and climbs onto the ship before Bones can do anything, “Status report Mister Spock.”

“The enterprise should be ready for launch by the time we arrive,” Spock replies.

“Good,” Jim murmurs as Bones waves the tricorder over him, “Good.”

“Captain,” Spock said, “I wish to thank you for requesting my reinstatement.”

“You’re welcome.”

“As your first officer it is my duty to strongly object to our mission parameters.”

Jim sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Of course it is. Alright let’s hear it. What are your objections?”

“No man should be condemned without trial. Something neither you nor Admiral Marcus appear to be taking into account,” Spock said.

Jim cut him off, “The area is uninhabited. The only casualty will be Harrison.”

“Wait,” Bones cut in, “Were firing torpedoes at the Klingons?”

“Morally this is wrong,” Spock insisted.

“Saving you was morally right and that got me fuck all,” Jim said.

Bones put his hand on Jim’s shoulder, “Jim, calm down.”

Jim shrugs him off angerly, “I’m not going to take ethics lessons from a robot.”

“reverting to name calling further proves my point,” Spock said.

“I wasn’t asking your opinion,” He snarled. Jim turns and swung at the tricorder Bones was holding, “Bones I swear to god get that thing out of my face,” He snapped.

“Captain this could start a war with the Klingons,” Spock said.

“We have our orders Spock if you can’t deal with them, I will find another first officer,” Jim snapped.

***

“Is there a problem, Mister Scott?” Kirk asks as they approach a raging Mister Scott.

“Aye, sir. I cannae authorize weapons aboard of which I don’t know what is inside,” He replies.

“Mister Scott raises another…” Spock attempts to say.

Kirk cuts him off before he can finish, “Report to the bridge.”

“Yes Captain,” Spock says and walks away, against his better judgement.

***

“Mister Scott we need these torpedoes aboard.” Jim said.

“I cannae detect the type of fuel in the compartments. I asked for specifications but he said,” Scotty says pointing to the worker.

“It’s classified,” The man said, turning to Jim.

“So, I say no specs no signature! Now if you’ll excuse me, sir” Scotty spits out, “I have a warp core to prime.”

Jim went to follow Scotty but Bones grabs his shoulder, “Jim your vitals are way off.”

Jim shrugs him off, “Report to med bay,” He snaps before chasing after Scotty.

“I need you to approve those weapons,” Jim says.

“A subtle shift in magnetic output from, say, firing one or more of six dozen torpedoes with an unknown payload could set off a chain reaction which would kill every living thing on this ship. Letting those torpedoes on board the Enterprise is the last straw.”

“We have our orders Scotty,” Jim says, growing desperate.

“That’s what scares me,” Scotty replies, “Are we military operants now? I thought we were explorers.”

“Sign for the torpedoes,” Jim snaps, “That’s an order.”

“Then I have no choice but to resign,” Scotty says shaking his head.

“Scotty,” Jim says.

“You give me no choice sir,” Scotty says shaking his head.

“Can’t you just make an exception and sign?” Jim replies.

“Do you accept my resignation or not?” Scotty snaps.

“I do!” Jim snaps and Scotty recoils, “I do,” Jim says, quieter, “You are relieved, Mister Scott.”

“Jim,” Scotty says, putting his hand on Jim’s shoulder, “For the love of God, do not use those torpedoes,” He sighs and hands Jim his pad.

***

“Mister Chekov,” Kirk says as he enters the bridge, “You’ve been shadowing Mister Scott. You familiar with the ships engineering systems?”

“Aye sir,” Chekov replies.

“Good you’re my new chief engineer,” Jim says, throwing him a red shirt with the words engineer printed across, “Put this on and head down to engineering”

“Yes Captain,” Chekov says, getting up and leaving the bridge.

***

Kirk sighs and begin speaking to the crew, “Attention, crew of the Enterprise. As most of you know, Christopher Pike, former captain of this ship and our friend, is dead. The man who killed him has fled our system and is hiding on the Klingon home world, somewhere he believes we are unwilling to go. We are on our way there now. Per Admiral Marcus, it is essential that our presence go undetected. Tensions between the Federation and the Klingon Empire have been high. Any provocation could lead to an all-out war.”

Jim hesitates before making his decision and continuing, “I will personally lead a landing party to an abandoned city on the surface of Kronus where we will capture the fugitive, John Harrison, and return him to Earth so he can face judgement for his actions. All right. Let's go get this son of a bitch. Kirk out.”

Spock appears next to Jim saying, “Captain, I believe you have made the right decision. if I can be of assistance, I would be happy to accompany you on the away team.”

Jim laughs, “You? Happy?”

Spock raised one of his eyebrows and said, “I was simply attempting to use your vernacular to convey an idea.”

“Thank you, Mister Spock.” He replies gently.

***

“What are you doing, Doctor?” Spock asks

Doctor Marcus jumps and says, “Oh Mister Spock, you startled me,” she says, clutching a hand to her chest. “I am just verifying that the torpedo's internal.”

 

“You misunderstand,” Spock says, “What are you doing aboard this ship? There is no record of you being assigned to the Enterprise.”

“Really?” She asks, “That must be some sort of mistake.”

“My conclusion as well, Doctor Marcus,” he says, “You lied about your identity. Wallace is the surname of your mother. I can only assume the Admiral is your father.”

“Mister Spock. I'm aware that I have no right to ask this of you,” She says, sighing, “But please, he cannot know that I'm here.”

“I will respect that for now for the captain’s sake and not your own,” Spock says, “But if you do anything wrong, I will alert the Captain and the admiral immediately.”

***

A jolt shakes the ship and Jim opens a channel to engineering. “Mister Chekov did you just break my ship?”

“Sorry, sir. I don't know what happened. The core overheated. I had to activate emergency stop. It must be a coolant leak. I need time to find it.”

“How much time?”

“I don’t know sir.”

“Fix it as fast as possible, captain out,” Jim says. He rubs his forehead and attempts to stop the throbbing in his head. When it doesn’t stop, he sighs and turns to Spock and says, “You have the conn Mister Spock,” and he exits the bridge.

***

Spock gives the conn to Sulu a few minutes after the captain departs from the bridge and goes to find him.

“Captain you have not slept in over twenty-four hours,” Spock says, when he finally finds him on the observation deck.

Jim shakes his head, “I’m fine, Spock.”

“I would strongly disagree. I have slept more in that time period and Vulcans require less sleep than humans,” Spock replies, moving to stand next to the captain.

“I can function on very little sleep,” Jim says.

“Not optimally,” Spock replies.

Jim sighs, “I shouldn’t be Captain.” Spock opens his mouth to protest but Jim puts up a hand to cut him off. “Do you know what Pike told Marcus to get reinstated?” Spock shakes his head.

Jim continues, “He told him that if anyone deserves a second chance its me. He told him that he believed in me.” Jim sighs and turns to Spock with a look that is so open it takes him back for a second. “He was the first, maybe the only, person who ever believed in me. I don’t know if I believe in me anymore. I don’t know what I’ll do without him Spock.”

“He may have been the first to believe in you but he is not the last. I know Doctor McCoy believes in you and there are 400 crew men and women on this ship I am certain that many of them believe in you.”

***

Jim shakes his head and shoves his hands in his pocket, looking down, “I don’t know if Bones believes that much in me anymore. I haven’t been making the best decisions lately.”

“Jim,” Spock says, firmly and Jim’s head snaps up. “I have believed in you from the first day I stepped on the bridge. I wouldn’t have asked to become your first officer if I hadn’t.” He sounds so honest that Jim can’t doubt him.

“Rest Jim,” Spock says, “I will take care of our ship.”


	2. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's shorter and honestly more of a filler to get us from point A to point B but i wanted to get something up before the weekened because I'll most likely have very little time to write until wednesday because i work and have a concert and take one of those fun standardized tests this week so i'll be busy but yeah i hope to have the next one up in about a week.

“Spock?” Jim asks as he reenters the bridge.

“Captain?” Spock says walking over to him.

“You’re coming with me to Kronus,” He turns to Uhura, “How’s your Klingon?”

“Rusty but good,” She replies nodding.

“Good. You’re coming with me,” Jim says, “I’ll meet you both in the shuttle bay.”

“Jim,” Bones snaps, striding over to Jim, “You’re not actually going down there, are you? You don’t rob a bank when the getaway car has a flat tire.”

Jim pushes the comm line. “I don’t have to worry about that because Mister Chekov will have us all patched up by the time we return. Isn’t that right?”

“I’ll do my best, Captain,” Chekov replies before Jim shuts off the conn.

“Mister Sulu you have the conn,” Jim says, “Once were en route, I want you to transmit a comm burst to Harrison’s location and tell him we got a whole lotta real big torpedoes and if he doesn’t play along, we fire them.”

“Yes sir,” Sulu says, nodding.

Bones pulls Jim off to the side and says, “Jim, wait. You just sat that man down at a high stake’s poker game with no cards and told him to bluff. Now Sulu's a good man, but he is no captain.”

“For the next two hours, he is. And enough with the metaphors, all right? That's an order,” Jim replies, smacking his shoulder before raising his voice to normal to talk to Sulu, “Mister Sulu, make sure that ship is ready to fly.”

“Put these shirts on Lieutenants,” Jim says, handing them new shirts as he enters the room, “Your arms dealers now.”

“Sir?” Lieutenant Hendorff asks.

“If this goes south, we can’t be tied to Starfleet,” Jim pauses and smirks, “Unless you want to start a war, Mister Hendorff?”

“No sir.”

“Good me neither,” Jim replies as they board the trade ship.

***

“We will arrive at Harrison's location in three minutes, Captain. it is unlikely that he will come willingly. I calculate the odds of him attempting to kill us at 91 .6%” Spock says.

“Fantastic,” Jim replies.

“I fail to see how this would be characterized as ‘fantastic,” Spock says.

“No,” Jim sighs, “Spock I meant. You know what never mind.”

“Captain,” Spock started before a loud boom rang throughout the ship.

“What the hell was that?” Jim asked.

“We are being pursued by a D-4 class Klingon vessel,” Spock informs the captain.

“I thought this sector was abandoned!” Jim yells.

“Must be a random patrol,” Uhura replies.

“Hold on!” Jim unbuckles and begins frantically

Spock unbuckles and follows him, “Captain this ship has no offensive capabilities.

Jim turns to him, “It’s got us. Give me all six fuel cells.”

“Yes captain,” Spock said

Another boom rocks the ship and Jim mumbles, “Damn it.”

“They're closing fast, bearing two eight five,” Uhura says.

“There!” Jim yells, pointing to a narrow passageway, “We can lose them there.”

“This ship will not fit,” Spock says.

“Trust me,” Jim says.

“Captain,” Spock says, calmly, “We will not fit.”

“We’ll fit. We’ll fit!” Jim yells and they do, just barely. Jim turns to him beaming, “See I told you we’d fit!”

Spock doesn’t sigh but it very close. “I am not sure that qualifies.”

***

Jim rolls his eyes and turns to Nyota. “Any sign of them?”

Jim waved his hand dismissively “We lost them.”

“Or they jammed our scanners,” Nyota replies.

“Or we lost them,” Jim says seconds before warships surround them and Klingon is being barked at them.

“They're ordering us to land. Captain, they're gonna wanna know why we're here. And they're gonna torture us, question us, and they're gonna kill us,” Nyota says.

“So, we come out shooting,” Jim replies.

“We will not survive even if we attack first. We are outnumbered and outgunned. You brought me to speak Klingon. Let me,” She leaves the ship before Jim can protest.

“This isn’t going to work,” Jim mutters.

“It is our only logical option,” Spock replies, “Furthermore if you interrupt her now, you will not only incur the wrath of the Klingons, but that of Lieutenant Uhura as well.”

“I don’t know which of those is scarier,” Jim mumbles.

“Indeed,” Spock replies.

Jim hands a phaser to the security members but decides to hang back until one of the Klingons pulls a knife on Uhura. Jim springs into action but before he can even leave the ship someone starts shooting out Klingons. Everything erupts into insanity.

***

Spock watches Nyota rip the knife out of the Klingon’s hand and stab him. Spock runs out to assist eventually losing his phaser in favor of hand to hand combat.

“Jim,” Spock yells when he sees that a Klingon is right behind him. Spock and Uhura sprint forward and drag Jim to safety.

The shooter brings down the last of the Klingon ships and lands down to take out the last of the Klingons.

“Stand down,” Spock snarls, aiming his phaser at Harrison.

“How many torpedoes?” Harrison replies.

“Stand down!” Spock yells.

Harrison shoots the gun out of Spock’s hands. “The weapons you threatened me with. How many?”

“Seventy-two,” Spock says.

Harrison throws the gun aside and puts his hands up. “I surrender.” Spock picks up the gun, confused.

“On behalf of Christopher Pike,” Jim says, “I accept your surrender.” Kirk punches Harrison three times in rapid succession, Harrison doesn’t flinch.

“Captain!” Uhura yells.

“Captain,” Harrison says in an almost mocking tone.

“Cuff him,” Jim snarls, shoving him towards the security members.

***

Jim storms the ship with Harrison cuffed and guarded in front of him. He flips open his communicator. “Bones, meet me in the brig.”

“En route,” Bones replies.

Jim flips shut the communicator and turns to Uhura, “Contact Starfleet and tell them we have Harrison in custody and will be on our way once the warp core is repaired.”

She nods and replies, “Yes sir.” Before turning on her heels and heading to the bridge.

“Spock go take the conn while I handle this.”

“Yes sir,” Spock replies.

Jim heads to the brig where security has Harrison locked up.

“Why the hell did he surrender?” Was the first thing Bones said when Jim walked over to him.

“No clue,” Jim replied with a sigh, “He took out a squad of Klingons single-handedly. I want to know how.”

“Maybe he’s superman?” Bones offers with a gruff laugh.

Jim sighs. “You tell me.”

“Oh Jesus,” Bones grumbles, “Seriously? Fine,” He waves a device over the cell, opening a hole in the forcefield. “Arm through the hole. I’m going to take a blood sample.”

Harrison sticks his arm through and turns to Jim, smirking. “Why aren’t we moving Captain? Perhaps your warp core broke down stranding you on the edge of Klingon space?”

“How the hell did you know that?” Bones snaps.

“Bones,” Jim barks.

“I think you’d find my insight valuable,” He replies, pulling his arm back through the hole

“We good?” Jim asks, ignoring Harrison.

“Yeah,” Bones replies.

“Tell me what you find,” Jim says.

“Ignore me and everyone on this ship will die,” Harrison snarls

“Let me explain what's happening here.” Jim says, turning to him. “You are a criminal. I was authorized to end you! And the only reason why you are still alive is because I am allowing it. So shut your mouth,” he growls.

“I surrendered to you because, despite your attempt to convince me otherwise, you seem to have a conscience, Mister Kirk,” Harrison says, seriously, “If you did not, then it would be impossible for me to convince you of the truth.  23-17-46-11. Coordinates not far from Earth. If you want to know why I did what I did, go and take a look.”

Jim rolls his eyes. “Give me one reason why I should listen to you.”

“I can give you seventy-two, and they're on board your ship, Captain. I suggest you open one up.” Harrison turns and doesn’t respond to anything else Jim has to say.

Finally, Jim strides away and punches numbers into his comm.

A snapped, “What?” comes through the comm.

“Scotty, it's Kirk.”

“Oh, well now. If it isn't Captain James Tiberius Perfect Hair,” he pauses and says to someone else, “Did you hear that? I called him Perfect Hair.”

Kirk would have laughed under other circumstances. “Where are you?”

“Where are you?” He slurs back.

“Are you drunk?” Jim asks.

“What I do in my private time is my business, Jimbo.”

Jim sighs. “I need you to help me out. Will you take these coordinates down? 23-17-46-11.” When he didn’t get a reply he hesitantly asks, “Are you writing?”

“What, you don't think I can remember four numbers? Ye of little faith.” Scotty hiccupped and asks, “What was the third one?”

“Forty-six,” Jim says, “I don't know exactly what you're looking for, but I've a feeling you'll know it when you see it. You may have been right about those torpedoes.”

“I will consider that an apology. And I will consider that apology,” Scotty replies.

“You made me quit!” Scotty snaps and Jim’s comm beeps that the communication is cut.

***

“We’re going to open one of the capsules,” Jim announces once both Dr. McCoy and Spock are in the room.

“Are you out of your corn-fed mind?” Dr. McCoy yells, “You're not actually going to listen to this guy?”

“Why did he save our lives, Bones?” Jim says.

“The Doctor does have a point, Captain,” Spock interjects.

McCoy scoffs, “Don't agree with me, Spock. It makes me very uncomfortable.”

Spock raises his eyebrow. “Perhaps you, too, should learn to govern your emotions, Doctor. In this situation, logic dictates…”

He cuts him off, “Logic? There's a maniac trying to make us blow up our own damn ship and you talk about…”

Jim cuts off Dr. McCoy off saying, “Look, we're going to open a torpedo. The question is how.”

“Who exactly, without Mr. Scott, is qualified to just pop open a four ton stick of dynamite?” McCoy growls.

“The Admiral's daughter appeared to have interest in the torpedoes, and she is a weapons specialist,” Spock suggests, “Perhaps she could be of some use.”

“What Admiral's daughter?” Jim asks, turning to him confused.

“Carol Marcus,” Spock replies, bluntly, “Your new science officer concealed her identity to board the ship.” He was not satisfied about how he was correct in his assumption of the science officer had been correct. That would, of course, be illogical.

“When were you going to tell me that?” Jim snaps.

“When it became relevant,” Spock says, “As it just did.”

Jim sighs. “Jesus. Fine. I’ll go get her. It seems to be our only option.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's chapter two i hope you liked it and i would love if you commented!


	3. Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so a couple things. some of you may have noticed that i upped the chapter number. this is officailly the number of chapters (if this doesn't run away from me again) there will be 6 chapters and an epilogue. this is so much longer than i ever thought possible for me to write but i am so proud of it too.  
> this chapter i am very proud of but i also fear that i switched between Jims emotions to quickly and Spock is probably a little OOC but all in all i am very proud of it and i hope you guys like it

“Doctor Marcus,” Jim yells, entering the science bay.

“Yes Captain,” Carol replies, turning around, “I mean… um.”

“I already know Doctor we don’t have time for you to be in trouble you need to come with me.” He waves and walks out of the room, trusting she would follow.

“I apologize Captain but may I inquire how you know?” She asks as she follows him through the corridors.

“Mr. Spock told me when he deemed it appropriate,” Jim replies. Jim was not bitter _he wasn’t._ It just seemed as if Spock should have told him this seemingly important information earlier that’s all.

“I should have known,” She replies, “Have you alerted my father?”

“So, he didn’t send you?” Jim asks.

“No, it is important he does not know,” She insists.

“I wont be telling him any time soon as what I’m about to ask you to help me do goes against his direct orders,” Jim replies, “I need you to tell me everything you know about those torpedoes and then I need you to help me open one up.”

“Are the torpedoes in the weapons bay?” Marcus asks.

“Loaded and ready to fire,” he says, “What are they?”

“I don't know,” she replies, shaking her head, “That's why I forged my transfer onto your ship to find out why. I do apologies for that,” she says, sounding sincere, “If I caused you any problems, I am sorry.”

“We’ll deal with that later,” Jim replies, “What do you know about them?”

“My father gave me access to every program he oversaw, then I heard he was developing these prototype torpedoes,” She tells him, “When I went to confront him about it, he wouldn't even see me. That's when I discovered the torpedoes had disappeared from all official records.”

“And he gave them to me.”

“You're much cleverer than your reputation suggests, Captain Kirk,” She says laughing.

“I have a reputation?” he asks, “Wait! I have a reputation saying I’m stupid?”

She laughs again, “You do. ls this shuttle prepped to fly?”

“Of course, it is. Can we go back to my reputation?” Jim asks.

“Do you really want to do this right now?” She asks, smiling.

“Right no sorry,” he says, “What do we need to do to open this thing up?”

“It's too dangerous to try and open one of these torpedoes on the Enterprise. But there is a nearby planetoid. I can open one up there, but I will need some help,” She says.

“I’ll send Dr. McCoy,” Jim replies, “He’ll love this,” He mumbles and heads off to tell Bones.

***

“Captain on the bridge,” Sulu announces and Spock turns to the doors.

“Have Doctors Marcus and McCoy landed yet?” Jim asks.

“They are moving the torpedo into position now,” Sulu says.

“Good, good,” He says, “Any Klingon activity?”

“Not yet but they will find us soon if we don’t get out of here soon,” Sulu replies.

Jim turns to Nyota, “Uhura have you contacted Starfleet and let them know we have Harrison in custody?” he asks.

“No response yet sir,” She replies.

Jim turns to Spock to say something but I comm from Chekov cuts him off. “Engineering to bridge. Captain can you hear me?”

“Please tell me its good news Mr. Chekov,” Jim says, sounding tired.

“I wouldn’t say good news.” Jim slumps over. “But I wouldn’t say bad news I suppose. We found the leak but the damage is substantial.” Chekov sighs. “We’re working on it.”

“What caused it?” Jim asks.

“No clue sir. But I take full responsibility.”

“Something tells me it wasn’t your fault,” Jim says, “Keep up the good work kid.”

Jim sighs and rolls his head back and forth. “Captain?” Spock says, softly walking over to him.

“Yes, Mr. Spock?” Jim asks turning to him. In that moment Spock wants to pull him away from the bridge and tuck him somewhere private where they are safe and Jim doesn’t look so exhausted. The feeling rolls over him so quickly and intensely that it surprises him.

He steps back and shakes his head, “Nothing Captain.” He will need to meditate after this is all over. His feelings for the captain are becoming too intense.

Jim looks at him confused but he shakes his head and opens a channel to the shuttle, “Bones, thanks for helping out. Doctor Marcus asked for the steadiest hands on the ship.”

**“** You know, when I dreamt about being stuck on a deserted planet with a gorgeous woman, there was no torpedo,” McCoy grumbles.

“Doctor McCoy,” Jim says with a smirk on his face, “May I remind you, you are not there to flirt.”

“So how can these legendary hands help you, Doctor Marcus?” Spock hears the Doctor say.

“Bones,” Jim says with a laugh, closing the channel.

***

“Sir,” Sulu says, sounding panicked, “The torpedo just armed itself.”

“Thirty seconds, sir!” Darwin yells.

“Beam them back!” Jim yells, “Beam them back right now!”

“The transporter cannot differentiate between Doctor McCoy and the torpedo. We have to beam back both or neither,” Spock replies.

Kirk smacks his hand against the transporter. “Doctor Marcus,” he snaps, “Can you disarm it?”

“I’m trying,” she says.

“Jim,” Bones snaps from the other end, “Get her the hell out.”

“No!” she snaps, “If I beam back you die!”

“Can you disarm it?” Jim asks, again.

“I think so,” She says.

Bones begins a count down. “Damnit Bones shut up,” Jim snaps, panic flooding his system, “You don’t get to get away from me that easy.”

“Standing by to beam Dr. Marcus back aboard,” Sulu says.

“Shit!” Marcus yells and Jim feels like he’s going to yell or burst into tears.

“Deactivation successful Captain,” Spock suddenly says from his side.

***

Jim turns to Spock with tears shining in his eyes. “It’s not going to explode?” he says, so emotionally.

“Not at this time Captain,” Spock replies. That urge to pull Jim away and protect him suddenly overwhelms him again.

Jim sighs and slumps down in the captain’s chair. “Bones, are you all right?” He asks

“Jim,” Doctor McCoy replies, “You’re going to want to get down here.”

Jim turns to Spock. His face is set and emotionless again and Spock finds he prefers this version of the Captain far less to the emotionally expressive person he naturally is. “Spock, come with me.”

***

“What is that?” Jim asks, “Oh my god. Is he real?”

“The fuel container’s been removed and retrofitted to hide the cryo tube,” Carol says.

“So he’s alive?” Jim asks.

“He’s alive,” Bones says, “If we revive him without the correct sequence it would kill him. Its beyond me.”

“How advanced Doctor?” Spock asks, raising one eyebrow and Jim fights the urge to laugh.

Carol shakes her head. “It’s not advanced. Its ancient.

“We haven’t needed to freeze anyone since we developed warp capability,” Bones says, “He’s three hundred years old.”

***

“Looks like we should go talk to Harrison,” Jim says.

“Captain,” Spock replies, stepping towards him, “I believe that’s unwise.”

“We don’t have many options here Spock,” Jim says, with a sigh.

“We could ask the admiral,” Spock replies.

“So he can lie to us again?” Jim snaps causing Spock to almost step back.

“I am merely suggesting…”

Jim cuts him off, “We have no other option.” He flips open the communicator. “Beam us up.”

***

“Why is there a man in that torpedo?” Jim barks as he storms into the brig.

“There are men and women in all of those torpedoes,” Harrison replies, calmly, “I put them there.”

“Who the hell are you?” he snarls.

“A remnant of the past,” Harrison says with a sigh, “We were genetically engineered to lead peace in a time of war but we were condemned but those who created us and forced into exile. We slept for centuries and hoped things would be different when we awoke. After the destruction of Vulcan your Starfleet found us and I alone was revived.”

“John Harrison didn’t exist until a year ago,” Jim replies, crossing his arms.

“John Harrison is a story, a made-up character, created by your Admiral to help me advance his cause. My name is Khan.”

“Why would a Starfleet admiral ask a 300-year-old man for help?”

“Because I am better,” Khan replies.

“At what?”

“Everything”

“I watched you open fire in a room full of unarmed Starfleet officers,” Jim screams, “You killed them in cold blood!”

“Marcus took my crew from me!” Khan screams, “I had every reason to suspect that Marcus had killed every single one of the people I hold most dear. My crew is my family, Kirk. ls there anything you would not do for your family?” His voice was calm.

“Sir,” Sulu cuts Jim off before he can reply, “There's a ship at warp heading right for us.”

“Klingons?”

“At warp?” Khan asks a sick smile on his face, “No, Kirk. We both know who it is.”

“It's not coming at us from Kronus,” Sulu replies.

Jim takes off running “Lieutenant,” he snaps at a security officer, “Move Khan to med bay. Post six security officers on him.”

***

“Captain on the bridge,” Sulu announces and Spock turns.

“Eta of the incoming ship?” Jim asks.

“Three seconds.”

“Shields.”

“Yes Captain,” Sulu replies.

“They’re hailing us sir,” Uhura says.

“Broadcast ship wide,” he pauses, “For the record.

Admiral Marcus’s face appears on the screen and Spock gets an uneasy feeling. “Captain Kirk.”

“Admiral Marcus,” Jim says, “I wasn’t expecting you.” Jim’s smile is so obviously the one he uses on foreign diplomates that he doesn’t like but has to be civil with that Spock is immediately on alert.

“And I wasn’t expecting to get word of you violating orders and taking Harrison into custody,” The admiral replies with an equally terrifying smile and Spock knows there is something he’s missing, some information Jim got and has yet to tell him.

“We had to improvise when our warp core unexpectedly malfunctioned.” Jim leans forward, “But you knew that already didn’t you, sir?”

Marcus falters for a second. “I don’t take your meaning.”

“Well,” Jim says, sitting back, projecting fake ease that Spock can see right through, “that’s why you’re here isn’t it? Why else would the head of Starfleet come to the edge of the Neutral Zone? If not to assist with repairs?”

***

“Captain they’re scanning our ship,” Sulu tells him.

“Something I can help you find?” Jim asks.

“Where’s your prisoner?” Marcus barks back.

“I’m planning to return Khan to earth to stand trial,” Jim smiles savagely, “Per Starfleet regulation.”

Marcus whistles. “Well shit,” he sighs, “You talked to him. This is what I was hoping to spare you from. I took a tactical risk and it was a mistake. The blood is on my hands, I’ll admit that, but I’m asking you now to give him to me. Let me end what I started.”

“And what should I do with his crew?” Jim asks, “Should I fire them? Start a war? End seventy-two lives?”

“He put those people in those torpedoes. I didn’t want to burden you with the truth. Can you imagine what would happen if we woke the rest of the crew? He’s playing you son. They are war criminals and it is our duty to see justice before any more harm comes. So, one last time son. Lower your shields. Where is he?”

“Engineering,” Jim lies, “But I’ll have him moved to the transporter right away.”

Marcus smiles, “We’ll take it from here Captain. You’re doing the right thing,” And the screen goes black.

***

“Don’t lower those shields,” Jim says the minute the admiral is gone.

Spock walked over to the captain, “May I know the details of your plan?”

“I told Marcus we’re taking Khan to earth to stand trial and that’s what I intend to do. Mr. Chekov can we warp?”

“Technically but I would not advise it Captain,” Chekov replies.

“Noted,” he turns to Sulu, “Set a course for earth and punch it.”

***

“Permission to come on the bridge,” A voice cuts through the tense silence.

“Doctor Marcus,” Jim replies, “Come on.”

“He’s going to catch up with us. the only thing to stop him destroying this ship is me. Let me talk to him,” She says.

“Were in warp,” Jim replies, shaking his head, “He can’t catch us.”

“He’s developed a ship with advanced warp capabilities,” She insists.

A boom shakes the ship. “Status report,” Jim yells.

“Weapons are way down,” Sulu says, “Shields are dropping. We’re defenseless.”

“Get us to earth! Now!” Jim yells, panic flooding him.

***

“Jim stop!” Carol yells and something in Spock wants to lash out and pull her away from the captain, hasn’t she done enough. “You have to let me speak to him.”

Jim nods. “Uhura hail him.”

Marcus’s face appears on the screen and Carol desperately says, “Sir its me. It’s carol.”

“What are you doing on that ship?”

“You made a mistake Dad and you want to make it right but destroying a ship full of innocent people won’t fix that. I don’t believe the man who raised me would do that and even if I’m wrong you have to spare the ship because I’m on it.”

“Oh Carol,” Marcus says, with a smile that unnerves Spock, “I would never.”

She begins to glow and fade away. “No!” she screams.

“Carol!” Jim yells back, looking frantic.

***

Jim was desperate his crew was going to die and it was going to be his fault. Carol had been their one hope and Admiral Marcus had taken her off. Jim can’t fully hear whatever Marcus is saying until he hears, “Lock phasers.”

“Wait!” Jim screams, “Wait,” he says, weaker, defeated.

“I’ll make this quick. Painless your people won’t suffer. You have been a valiant crew up until now. the fleet owes you a swift death,” He turns to the officer beside him, “Target all torpedoes on the Enterprise bridge.”

“My crew was just following my orders. Take me please sir. I take full responsibility. My actions are mine alone. I will bring Khan and turn myself in to you. Just please spare them. I’ll do anything,” Jim cries. He’s defenseless and scared and desperate. He would do anything to spare his crew, the only people left who care about him, his family.

Marcus shakes his head. “If its any consolation.” He smiles, “I was never going to spare your crew.” The transmission cuts to black and Jim screams.

***

Spock has not felt this helpless since he felt his mother slip out of his fingers that fateful day on Vulcan. Jim has dropped into the captain’s chair and looks as if he’s going to cry or mearly fall apart.

“Captain,” Spock says softly, “There is something I must tell you.” Spock knows there’s no way out this time. The captain may not believe in no win situations but they appear to have encountered one and if they are going to die here, he has to tell him. He can’t die knowing he never told the captain of their bond. He can’t die without telling Jim he’s his soulmate.

“Spock,” Jim says, weakly, “I don’t know if now’s the time.”

Spock drops his voice low so only Jim can hear, “Jim I must tell you. You need to know before we,” Spock hesitates here, voice far too emotional, “Before you die here.”

“Were not,” Jim’s voice cracks, “I can’t let us… there must be something… Spock please there must be something.”

Spock feels himself crack at the emotion evident on the captain’s face. “I’m sorry sir. But Jim please you must…”

He’s cut off by Sulu announcing, “Their weapons have powered down sir.”

Jim jumps to his feet. “What?”

***

“Enterprise! Can you hear me?” A voice crackles over the comm.

“Scotty!” Jim cries, unsure if he’s going to burst into song or tears of joy.

“Guess what I found behind Jupiter?” Scotty replies.

“You’re on that ship!” Jim cries.

“I snuck on. I just committed treason against a Starfleet admiral so I would really like to get off this bloody ship,” Scotty replies, “Beam me out now!”

“You’re a miracle worker,” Jim sighs. “But were a little low on power right now. stand by for a little while. We’ll get you out.”

Jim cuts off the connection and turns to Spock, “Spock. Our ship, how is she?”

“Our options are limited, Captain. We cannot fire and we cannot flee,” Spock replies

“There is one option. Uhura, when you get Scotty back, patch him through,” Jim says turning to Uhura, still a little dizzy from the brush with death

She nods and replies, “Yes, sir.”

***

“what was it you wanted to tell me Mr. Spock?” Jim asks, allowing his voice to drop low something that Spock is far too grateful for.

“I,” Spock hesitates, “It was nothing Captain.”

Jim squints suspiciously at him but decides against mentioning it. He smacks his shoulder and raises his voice back up, “Alright then Mr. Spock you have the conn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So spock almost told Jim this chapter! also i promise at some point spock will get to tuck jim away and protect him (for a little while lets face it JIm couldn't stay safe forever) like he wanted to do this chapter! I hope you liked it and comments are appreciated! the next chapter should be up soon!


	4. Objection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know how to feel about this chapter and i meant to post it earlier but i hope you like it. we're getting closer to the end and I've already written the last chapter and the epilogue and I am very proud of both so I hope you stick around to read them

“Captain,” Spock says, following Jim off the bridge, “I must object.”

Jim laughed. “Spock, I haven’t said anything yet.”

“We cannot take the ship from the outside,” Spock says, “We must take it from within and a large boarding party would be detected. The only obvious solution is for a small landing party. However, in the time I have spent with you I have grown to understand that you will throw yourself in the line of fire whenever you believe it will help others. Therefore, the most logical assumption is that you plan to beam aboard yourself.” Spock pauses. “But as you can not do this because you will meet resistance and you can not do this alone you intend to align with Khan.”

“I'm not aligning with him, I'm using him,” Jim replies, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”

“An Arabic proverb,” Spock says, “attributed to a prince who was betrayed and decapitated by his own subjects.”

“Still,” Jim says with a harsh laugh, “it's a hell of a quote.”

“l will go with you, Captain,” Spock insists, he must protect Jim. He can not allow him to go alone onto that ship with Khan he cannot risk what could happen.

“No,” Jim says shaking his head and Spock opens his mouth to protest but Jim cuts him off “I need you on the bridge.”

“I cannot allow you to do this,” Spock says, shaking his head, “It is my function aboard this ship to advise you on making the wisest decisions possible, something I firmly believe you are incapable of doing in this moment.”

“You're right!” Jim yells. “What I'm about to do, it's not logical. it is a gut feeling. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. The Enterprise and her crew need someone in that chair that knows what he's doing.” Jim puts both his hands on Spock’s shoulders “And it's not me. It's you, Spock.”

He releases Spock and turns to leave for the med bay, leaving Spock behind stunned.

***

Jim storms into the med bay. “Tell me everything about that ship.”

“Two times the size, three times the speed and far more advanced weaponry than any you’ve ever seen,” Khan replies without protest, “Modified for minimal crew and is built only for combat.”

“I will make you pay for what you did,” Jim snarled before he sighed, “But I need you right now.”

“Why should I help you?” Khan says, “You just made it clear when you stop needing me, you’ll kill me.”

“I can guarantee your crews safety,” Jim says.

Khan scoffs, “You can’t even guarantee the safety of your own crew.” He turns away.

“Hold on one second,” Jim mumbles. He turns to Bones and snaps, “What are you doing with that tribble?”

“It’s dead and I’m injecting it with Khan’s platelets to find out why Khan’s cells regenerate so fast,” Bones replies.

Jim decides they don’t even have time to figure all that out so he’s just not going to deal with it. So, he ignores Bones in favor of turning back to Khan. “So, are you coming with me or not?”

***

“Sulu,” The captain’s voice crackles through the speakers, “I need you to position the enterprise so that I can beam aboard.”

“I’m sorry Captain,” Sulu says, “But beam aboard what?”

“The USS Vengeance Sulu. Can you do it?” Jim replies.

“Captain are you crazy?” Sulu asks, “Spock surely you can’t agree with this. Talk some sense into him.” Sulu turns to him, gesturing to the comm.

“The Captain has made his decision and I will support it,” Spock replies. Sulu looks bewildered and ready to protest but Jim cuts him off.

“Sulu please just tell me you can do it?” Jim replies.

“Yeah captain,” Sulu sighs, “I can do it.”

“Spock,” Jim says.

Spock stalks forward, “Captain.”

“In the event I don’t come back,” Jim says.

“It will work,” Spock says, aware of the parallel to their first mission together.

“But just in case,” Jim says.

“Captain,” Spock cuts him off again, “It will work.”

Jim goes silent and Spock assumes that he has hung up so he turns to walk back to the captain’s chair. He freezes when he hears Jim’s voice crackle from the comm, “Take care of our ship Mr. Spock.”

“Affirmative captain,” Spock replies, not turning around knowing his emotions were not under control. Spock looks up and see’s Nyota’s knowing eyes watching him and he wishes he didn’t feel so stripped bare in that moment. Jim might be right he might not come back and Spock has no clue what he’ll do if he doesn’t. “Lieutenant,” he says, voice weak. “Can you open a channel to New Vulcan from here?”

“I’ll try my best,” She replies.

“Thank you,” He says, sitting down in the captain’s chair, attempting not to slump down in the seat.

***

“Okay Scotty we’re coming over,” Jim says.

“How?” Scotty asks.

“Hanger seven, access port 101A. manually override the airlock to the cargo door,” Khan replies.

“Are you out of yer mind?” Scotty screams.

“Just do it scotty, please,” Jim replies, “It will be alright.”

“It is not gonna be all right!” Scotty yells, “You want me to open an airlock into space, whereupon I will freeze, die and explode!”

“Captain,” Spock’s voice cuts in, “The ships are aligned.”

“Copy that,” Jim replies, “Scotty?”

“I'm in the hangar.” Scotty says, “Give me a minute,” Scotty yells, “Now wait a minute captain, this door is very wee. It's four square meters, tops. It's gonna be like jumping out of a moving car, off a bridge, into your shot glass.”

 **“** It's okay,” Jim says, “I've done it before. The manual override, Scotty?”

“Not yet,” Scotty mumbles.

***

Doctor McCoy strides onto the bridge and leans toward Spock. “Tell me this is going to work,” He mumbles.

Spock wants to tell him he’s certain that it will work but he knows that’s a lie. Despite his earlier declaration to the Captain he finds he can not lie to the Doctor so instead he replies, “I have neither the information nor the confidence to do so.”

Doctor McCoy sighs harshly and grumbles, “You’re a real comfort.”

***

“I’m set to open the door,” Scotty says.

“You ready?” Jim asks turning to Khan.

Khan laughs, “Are you?”

The door whooshes open and Kirk and Khan fly out. “Captain,” Spock’s voice comes through a few seconds later, “Captain there is debris directly ahead.”

“Copy that,” Jim replies.

“Jim!” Bones snaps, “You're way off course!”

“I know, I know,” Jim chants. “Scotty,” Jim snaps, “You're gonna be ready with that door, right?” when he got no reply he asked, “Scotty?”

***

“Captain, he can't seem to hear you,” Uhura says, “I'm working on getting his signal back. Stand by.”

“Fuck,” Jim curses, quietly.

“Captain?” Spock asks, suddenly worried.

“It’s nothing,” Jim says.

“Captain,” Spock replies, “What…”

Jim cuts him off, “Don’t worry my helmet was just hit. Uhura, tell me you have Mister Scott back.”

“Not yet,” Uhura says, frowning “I'm still working on a signal.” She hesitates and suddenly looks confused. “Wait, his communicator is working. l don't know why he isn't responding,” She says, shaking his head.

“Imminent collision detected,” Sulu says.

“Khan,” Spock snaps, “use evasive action. There is debris directly ahead.”

“I see it,” Khan grunts and then his connection cuts off.

“Was Khan hit?” Jim says.

 **“** We are trying to find him now,” Spock says.

“Spock, my display's dead,” Jim says and Spock’s panic spikes, “I'm flying blind.”

 **“** Captain,” Spock says, “Without your display compass, hitting your target destination is mathematically impossible.”

Jim laughs harshly, “Spock, if I get back, we really need to talk about your bedside manner.”

Sulu leans over to Spock and mumbles, “Commander, he's not going to make it.”

Spock doesn’t know what to do. Jim can’t die, not like this. He has to make it. He has never believed in miracles but he could take one right now.

Khan’s signal is on his screen and Khan says, “My display is still functioning. I see you, Kirk. I can guide you to the door.” Spock is flooded with relief.

***

“Scotty, we're getting close,” Jim says, becoming worried, “We need a warm welcome. Do you copy?” when he gets no reply, he says a slightly more panicked, “Do you copy? Scotty?”

 **“** If you can hear us, Mister Scott, open the door,” Spock says and then begins a count down.

“Scotty!” Jim yells.

“Mister Scott, open the door!” Jim hears Spock yell just as he yells, “Open the door!"

The door opens in time and a man goes flying out as Khan and Jim land securely in the hangar.

“Welcome aboard,” Scotty says.

Jim smacks his shoulder. “Good to see you scotty.”

***

The captain is safe and Spock allows himself to minusculy relax until Uhura says, “I have the transmission you requested.”

Spock straightens back up and replies, “On screen please.

The other Spock’s face appears on the screen, “Mister Spock.”

“Mister Spock,” Spock replies

***

“Who is that?” Scotty asks, motioning to Khan.

“Khan, Scotty,” he says pointing to scotty, “Scotty, Khan.” He points back to Khan.

“Hello,” Scotty says.

Khan ignores Scotty and turns to Jim. “They’ll know we’re here. I know the best way to the bridge.”

Jim hands a phaser to him, “It’s locked on stun.”

“They won’t care.”

“Try not to get shot then I suppose,” Jim says and motions for Khan to lead the way.

***

“I shall not hold you long,” Spock says, “Have you ever encountered a man named Khan?”

The other Spock looks almost surprised. “I have made a vow never to give you information that could potentially alter your destiny. Your path is yours to walk, and yours alone.” He replies and Spock expects that to be the end but the other Spock continues, “That being said, Khan Noonien Singh is the most dangerous adversary the Enterprise ever faced. He is brilliant, ruthless, and he will not hesitate to kill every single one of you.”

“Did you defeat him?”

“At a great cost.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized I really and truly only have one chapter left to write. I'll just have to edit and add some things to the last two chapters. Sorry that's just so surreal to me  
> As always comments are appreciated and thank you for reading!


	5. Acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not good and I'm so sorry for that. I'm pretty proud of the last couple sections but the beginning and middle aren't super great. It's okay though because the next chapter is the last official one and then an epilogue and i am so so proud of those two. this whole fic has been built to fit around the last two chapters so they should both be out in about a couple days in the mean time i hope you you like this chapter well enough to stick around for the end!

“not to tempt fate,” Scotty mumbles, “But where is everybody?”

“This ship is to have a minimal crew,” Khan replies, “one if it is necessary.”

“One?” Scotty starts but is cut off by an attacking crewman. When the fight is over Jim reaches out to scotty how to help him up.

“Are you okay?” Jim asks.

“I’m fine,” Scotty says, brushing himself off, “Where’s Khan?”

***

“Lieutenant Uhura, I need you to assemble all senior medical and engineering staff in the weapons bay,” Spock says as they stride down the hallway.

“Yes sir,” She says turning and running off.

“Dr. McCoy, could you replicate the activation of a torpedo?” Spock asks.

“And why the hell would I want to do that?” The doctor barks.

“Can you do it?” Spock asks.

“Damn it man! I’m a doctor not a torpedo technician,” McCoy barks back.

“You being a doctor is what I need,” Spock replies, “Listens very carefully.”

*******

“Shit!” Jim snaps.

Suddenly a voice says, “This way.” Both Scotty and Jim whip around.

Jim dropped his voice as they strode after him. “Drop him the minute we hit the bridge.”

“Stun him? Khan? I thought he was helping us,” Scotty replies as quietly.

“I’m pretty sure we’re helping him,” Jim replies.

“With what?” Scotty asks.

“I don’t know.” Jim sighs. “But I don’t want to find out.” They bust open the door to the bridge and Scotty stuns Khan.

“Admiral Marcus, you're under arrest,” Jim says, pointing his phaser at admiral Marcus.

Marcus laughed, “You’re not actually going to do this are you?”

“Get out of the chair,” Jim barks, motioning the phaser.

“Think about what you’re doing here Jim,” Marcus says, “Think about what you did on Kronus. Even if you got away without a trace, war is coming and who is going to lead it? You?” Marcus scoffs. “You want me off this ship. You have to kill me.”

“I’m not going to kill you sir but I will stun your ass and drag you out of that chair.”

“Jim!” carol yells from behind him. Jim turns his head over his shoulder to see what’s wrong and see’s Khan has Carol by the neck.

Khan kicks her to the ground and grabs Marcus throwing him to the ground. He then turns to Jim, throws a punch, and Jim’s whole world goes dark.

***

“Where is the captain, Mister Sulu?” Spock asks through gritted teeth.

“Our sensor array is down, sir,” Sulu replies, “I can’t find him.”

Spock is angry and feral and so close to snapping when Khan’s face fills the view screen.

“I’m going to make this very simple,” He says.

“Captain,” Spock says, low and hushed, resisting the urge to reach out to him.

Khan continues, “Your crew for mine.”

“You betrayed us,” Spock states, no longer surprised.

“So smart Mister Spock,” Khan replies with a smirk.

“Don’t,” Kirk says, weakly, shaking his head, “Spock don’t.”

Khan turns and punches him back unconscious and Spock grasps at the last strands of his control. He can’t snap. He has to protect his captain, his soulmate, _Jim._

“Give me my crew,” Khan snarls.

“What do you plan to do with them?” Spock says, attempting to keep a façade of calm he had watched the captain do so many times.

“Continue our work,” Khan replies.

“So mass genocide?” Spock replies.

“Give me what I want or I will destroy you,” Khan replies.

“We have no transporter capabilities,” Spock replies.

“Fortunately, mine are functional,” Khan replies, “Drop your shields.”

“I have no guarantee you will not destroy the Enterprise,” Spock replies.

***

“Let’s play this logically Mister Spock,” Khan snarls as Jim raises back to awareness, “I will kill your captain and then if you do not give me the torpedoes, I will kill you.” and that brings Jim back to full awareness because no. Spock can’t die. It’s not allowed. Jim hasn’t gone through all this just to let Spock die by this bastards’ hands.

“Vulcan’s do not lie,” Spock says, “The torpedoes are yours.” Jim knows he missed something but that cant be right because Spock wouldn’t do that. “I have fulfilled your terms. Now fulfill mine.”

Khan turns to him, “Well Kirk,” He says, hitting the button to beam him down, “Time for you to return. No ship should go down without her captain.”

Jim screams as they land on their ship. The minute he materializes he scoops up Carol and takes off running.

***

“He’s locked phasers sir!” Sulu yells. A boom shakes the ship. “Shields at six percent.”

“How much time for the torpedoes Lieutenant?” Spock asks.

“Twelve seconds,”

Spock turns on the ship wide comm. “Crew of the enterprise,” he says, “Prepare for imminent proximity detonation.”

***

“What?” Scotty asks, “What is he talking about?”

“The torpedoes,” Jim says, laughing, “He armed the damn torpedoes!” he yells, busting opening the doors to the med bay. “Bones!” he yells, dumping Carol onto a bed.

“Nurse!” Bones screams.

Chapel appears next to him. “I got you,” she replies.

“Good to see you Jim,” Bones says, clapping him on the shoulder.

“You helped Spock detonate those torpedoes?” Jim asks.

“Damn right I did,” Bones says.

Jim squinted at him, “He killed Khan’s crew.”

Bones rolls his eyes, “Spock’s cold but he’s not a monster,” he says, “I’ve got Khans crew. Safe and sound in their cryo tubes.”

Jim beams and huffs, “Son of a bitch.” He’s way too proud because he knows this is Spock’s plan. It reeks of his influence and he’s so proud because Spock is a genius and he loves him so much and Jim doesn’t even have time to process that because he knows that there is so much left to do.

***

“Lieutenant, sound evacuation,” Spock says, “all decks.”

Spock turns to the rest of the bridge crew and says, “As acting Captain, I order you to abandon this ship. I will remain behind and divert all power to life support and evacuations.” This is good. This is what Jim would have done. He finds himself wishing that he could see Jim one last time.

Sulu laughs. “All due respect Commander.” The bridge crew clicks their belts into place. “But were not going anywhere.”

***

Scotty yells, “There won't be time for evacuation if we don't get power to stabilize the damn ship!”

“Can we restore it?” Jim asks.

“Only from engineering,” Scotty says, “We have to get back to the warp core but even if we get the warp core online, we've still got to redirect the power!”

“He's right, Captain!” Chekov yells running over to them.

“Chekov! Good to see you my boy,” Scotty says, slapping his shoulder.

“Wait!” Jim yells, “What are you talking about?”

“Someone has to hit the manual override!” Scotty says.

“Behind the deflector dish!” Chekov yells.

“Let's go!” Jim yells.

Chekov finally manages to get to the manual override and pulls the level but the computer declares, “Core misaligned. Danger! Danger!”

“Fuck,” Scotty says, “No, no, no, no.”

“What?” Jim says.

“There’s no way we can redirect the power!” Scotty replies, “The ships dead.”

Suddenly Jim knows what he has to do. “No,” he says shaking his head, “She’s not.” He heads across to the override panel.

“Jim!” Scotty yells, “If we go in there we die!” When Jim doesn’t stop scotty continues, “Do you hear me? The radiation will kill us. will you listen for one second?” he yelled. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m opening the door. I’m going in,” Jim says.

“The door is there stop us from getting irradiated!” Scotty yells, “We’d be dead before we made the climb!”

“You’re not making that climb,” Jim says, quietly. He swings and knocks Scotty out. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles and climbs in. This is good. This is what Spock would have done. He just wishes he could see Spock one last time.

***

“If we don't get power or shields back online,” Sulu says, “We're gonna be incinerated on re-entry!” He looks confused before announcing, “Warp core is back online!”

Spock doesn’t have a time to figure that out he just yells, “Maximum thrusters, Mister Sulu!”

“Stand by! Stand by!” Sulu says, “Shields restored! Power online, altitude stabilizing.”

“It’s a miracle,” Darwin yells.

Spock stands up and says, “There are no such things.”

Mister Scott’s voice cuts through, “Engineering to bridge. Mister Spock?”

“Mister Scott,” Spock replies.

“Sir, you'd better get down here. Better hurry.” Panic fills Spock at those words. Somehow, he knows its Jim, he can’t explain it he just _knows_ , and he takes off sprinting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so we're almost to the end! thank you so much for reading and as always comments and kudos are appreciated!


	6. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my goodness this is it! i wrote this whole fic just for this chapter! I know it hasn't been that long but i feel like i have come so far! Even when i felt unsatisfied with certain chapters i was still so proud of myself i had never actually finished a multichaptered fic and here i am doing it!   
> that being said there will be an epilogue. it was originally only one scene long but then i got a couple ideas so it's actually going to be a couple different scenes but i have 90% of it written (i only have like one or two scenes left plus editing) so it should be up soon.

“How's our ship?” Jim asks with a weak smile as Spock collapses on the ground in front of him. God he’s so glad it is him here and not Spock. So glad Spock is alive and okay. Their ship is okay. Spock will be a good captain. Jim knows this but he wishes he could stay around to see it, even if he didn’t get to be captain.

“Out of danger,” Spock replies.

“You saved the crew. You used what he wanted against him. That's a nice move.” Jim says, proudly. Spock has grown so much, changed so much. Maybe Jim just learned to read him better, he isn’t quite sure, he just knows that he’s so _proud_ of Spock. So hopelessly in love with him. God, he wishes he could have told Spock that. Even if Spock wasn’t his soulmate he doesn’t care. He doesn’t want to meet his soulmate because. They’re. Not. _Spock_.  

“It is what you would have done.” Spock replies and Jim hopes he isn’t imagining the emotion in his voice.

“And this,” Jim pauses, everything becoming heaver and harder to do as his life drains out, “this is what you would have done. It was only logical.” He hesitates before continuing quieter, “I'm scared, Spock. Help me not be. How do you choose not to feel?” maybe Spock can make this better. Make his last moments not so painful.

“I do not know. Right now, I am failing.” Spock says, tears rolling down his face and fuck how is Jim supposed to deal with that.

“I want you to know why I couldn't let you die. Why I went back for you.” Jim says, between coughs as his voice grew weaker. He presses the ta’al to the glass between them.

Spock mimics the gesture. “Because you are my friend.” Spock replies, face warping into a sad smile. Jim’s world floods with color seconds before his whole world goes dark.

***

Spock screams as he feels the bond between them snap. He couldn’t feel anything but rage, ~~so much rage~~ , and pain, ~~Jim is dead dead dead~~. Spock barks orders in a manic daze. When they find Khan Spock attacks. He knows that Khan is winning and he will probably die, ~~he doesn’t care Jim is dead~~.

When Uhura appears and stops Khan from killing him he’s almost a little disappointed. He doesn’t know how to live in a post Jim world, but not for long because he manages to rip off a metal cover and he begins to beat Khan with it. He’ll kill him. He took ~~the only thing he loved~~ his captain from him.

“Spock! Spock, stop!” Spock turns to Nyota and bears his teeth, snarling. How dare she try to stop him? Jim is dead and it is Khan’s fault. Khan should die the most painful death, ~~that would still be too good for him~~. “Stop! He’s our only chance to save Kirk.” She yells. Spock hesitates for a split second before he punches Khan out. He will die, Spock will ensure that, but first he will save Jim.

***

Jim blinks to awareness slowly and is shocked for a moment when he can see color before everything floods back to him, god Spock is his soulmate and he’s never told him. Before he even has time to process anything Bones is by his side.

“How do you feel?”

“Like I died,” Jim says with a smirk.

Bones rolls his eyes and replies, “Oh don’t be so melodramatic. You were barely dead. The transfusion was what took you out for so long.”

“The transfusion?” Jim blinks in confusion.

Bones’s shoulders sag, “We had too.”

“Khan,” Jim says, suddenly understanding.

“Once we caught him, I synthesized a serum from his super blood. Tell me, are you feeling homicidal? Power mad? Despotic?” Bones says.

“No more than usual. My head does hurt like a bitch though. Is that supposed to happen? Wait how did you catch him?” Jim says.

“I didn’t catch him and I’ll get you a hypo for your headache,” Bones says opening the drawer next to Jim’s bed.

“Allow me to save you the trouble doctor. I’m afraid nothing you have will help the Captain’s head ache,” Spock says, appearing in the doorway.

“Spock,” Jim says in a rush of air.

“Captain,” Spock replies.

“You saved me,” Jim says, breathlessly.

“Hey!” Bones yells, “Uhura and I had something to do with it too you know.”

“You saved countless lives,” Spock pauses, “You saved my life.”

“Spock, I- thank you,” Jim stammers.

“Of course, Jim,” Spock replies before turning to Bones and saying, “I need to speak to the captain.” When Bones didn’t move, he adds, “ _alone_.”

“Right. I’ll just be in my office,” Bones mumbles walking off.

“You said nothing Bones has will help my head. What did you mean? How do you know that?” Jim says the minute the door to Bones office closed, “We’re soulmates. You have to have known. I know I’ve smiled at you before Spock.” He’s suddenly angry and confrontational, how dare Spock keep this from him, “Why didn’t you tell me?” He insists.

 He hesitates and adds softer, “If you didn’t want me you should have just said something Spock. Just told me we were soulmates but you didn’t want to pursue anything. I promise I would never make you do anything you didn’t want too, I won’t. You know, that right?”

“Jim.” Spock was at his side in moments and he had collapsed next to Jim’s bed. “Jim,” he repeats with a weak smile, tipping forward laying his head on Jim’s stomach. “I am so sorry T’hy’la.”

“How long have you known?” Jim says, growing more confused.

Spock leans back and closes his eyes, tilting his head away. It strikes Jim how human that makes him look. When he continues his voice is strained, “The first day on the bridge. When I was,” his voice cuts off, “When I had you pinned. You smiled and I saw color.”

Jim laughs harshly, “I thought I was going to die.”

Spock lets out a noise like a wounded animal. “I would have killed you if not for that.”

Jim reaches out but decides better and pulls his hand back. “It’s in the past now. I did horrible things to you that day too.”

“You are my t’hy’la,” Spock says shaking his head, “You don’t understand how severe that grievance is among my people.”

“Spock,” Jim says softly. This time he does reach out and lay his hand on top of Spock’s tightly clenches hands. “Don’t…” suddenly a searing pain shoots from Jim’s head and down his spine and he cries out gripping his head in his hands.

***

“Jim!” Spock cries, jumping to his feet and reaching out to him. Jim is in pain and it’s his fault.

“No,” Jim moans, flinching away from him, “It hurts more when you touch me.”

Spock pulls his hand away as if he has been burned. “It is the bond reaching out to me.”

“What?” Jim asks, turning back to Spock.

“We have-had- we had a partially completed bond. I felt it snap when you,” Spock hesitates, “When you died.”

“Can you fix it?” Jim asks softly.

“I cannot remove it. Only a Vulcan healer can,” Spock says. Of course, Jim would want it removed, this link that will remind Jim forever how long Spock had lied to him.

“So, it-it can’t be fixed,” Jim says, “It can’t be repaired?”

Spock’s head snaps up. “Is that something you would want?”

“We’re soulmates, right?” Jim asks, confused.

“We do not have to be bonded,” Spock replies shaking his head. Obligation, the only reason Jim would want to be with him.

“Do you want to be?” Jim asks.

“Would you?” Spock asks, near silently, infuriating hope pooling in his chest

“I asked first,” Jim says, laughing.

“Actually, I asked you initially.”

“Fine,” Jim sighed. “Of course, I would. Spock, I decided so long ago that if you weren’t my soulmate, I didn’t want one. I would lay awake at night trying to think of every interaction we had and figure out if you had ever smiled at me. I figured we weren’t soulmates because I had smiled at you so many times and you had never said anything and it would be illogical not too.”

“Jim.” Spock reaches out towards Jim, “May I…please allow me to… **_Jim_** ”

“Yes,” Jim cries, “Whatever you have to do just **_please_**.”

Spock surges forward and places his hand on Jim’s meld point and they become one.  It is euphoric.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that I'm writing an epilogue so technically this isnt the end but this is the end of the official story and it still feels so big to me! I hope you enjoyed this story as much as i enjoyed writing it. thank you for your continued support and as always comments and kudos are appreciated but even if not thank you for making it this far. okay I'm done rambling now.   
> epilogue will be up soon


	7. Epilogue: Relief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! I hope you like it! sorry the ends kind of blah. something happened in my life so I wrote the last paragraph quickly so it's not that great.

Jim was finally cleared to leave the med bay but he wasn’t yet cleared for duty. Spock had met him for his release and had led him to his own quarters. Jim was too tired to protest or question it.

“I will go get you sleep wear from your quarters,” Spock says, sitting Jim down on his bed.

“Wait,” Jim mumbles.

“Yes?” Spock asks, turning back to him.

“Kiss?” Jim says, closing his eyes tilts his head up, a soft smile on his face. Spock smiles and leans down,  gently pressing his lips Jim’s. Jim hums and his eyelids flutter. “Love you,” Jim mumbles when Spock stands back up.

“And I you ashayam,” Spock mumbles, cupping Jim’s face in his palm.

Jim smiles and rubs his face into Spock’s palm. When Spock withdraws his hand, he lays down on the bed. Spock walks through their shared bathroom to the Captain’s quarter’s. He grabs a pair of soft flannel bottoms and heads back to his quarters. He grabs one of his own shirts and walks over to Jim. He kneels down next to Jim and  gently shakes his shoulder.

Jim grumbles, “Shhhh I’m sleeping.”

“I did not say anything T’hy’la. You must get up long enough to put on proper clothes,” Spock says.

Jim groans but sits up and takes the shirt from Spock. “This isn’t mine.”

“Correct,” Spock replies, “It is mine.”

Jim’s face spreads into a slow smile. “You went all the way over to my quarters and didn’t get me a shirt.”

Spock shifts, looking down, “I can go get…”

Jim buries his face in the shirt and cuts Spock off. “I’m messing with you Spock. It smells like you anyway.” He pulls off the hospital gown and pulls the shirt on before collapsing back down on the bed.

“Jim,” Spock says, “Pants.”

Jim sticks his legs up in the air.

“Captain,” Spock says, smiling  fondly .

“I don’t need pants,” Jim says, laughing and pulling his knees to his chest.

Spock relents and stands,  suddenly unsure of where he would go.

“You’re thinking too loud,” Jim mumbles from the bed, “come on,” Jim lifts the blanket beside him.

Spock sighs and slides into the bed. He curls himself around Jim, wrapping his arms around his waist. Jim curls tighter into Spock’s chest and throws one of his legs over Spock’s hips.

“Spock?” Jim asks after a period of silence where Spock had assumed, he had fallen asleep.

“Yes ashayam?” Spock replies.

“Vulcan’s kiss with their hands, right?” Jim says.

“Affirmative.”

“How… can you… could you  maybe show me how?” Jim asks.

“Of course. If you wish,” Spock replies. He pulls back a little so he could see Jim’s face and held out his hand. “Put out your middle and index finger.” Jim replicated Spock’s hand and Spock curls their fingers together. A bolt of electricity shot up his arm and a shudder rakes Jim’s body.

“Wow that was… was that the bond?” Jim asks.

“ I believe so,” Spock replies.

“Do it again?” Jim asks and as Spock strokes his fingers again Jim leans up to kiss him on the lips. Jim hums and leans his whole body forward.

“Jim,” Spock whimpers and Jim shivers at the openness in his voice. Spock’s head drops to Jim’s shoulder. Jim threads his fingers into Spock’s hair. “I must admit. I rather like you wearing my clothes.” Spock kisses his shoulder.

“I like it too. Smells like you. that’ll be nice when you aren’t around,” Jim says.

“I intend to always be with you if you will have me,” Spock says.

“Always,” Jim says, dragging Spock’s face up to kiss him again. 

When Spock pulls away, he drags his teeth over Jim’s bottom lip and growls, “Mine.”

Jim rests his forehead on Spock’s and slides his hand over Spock’s neck, “Yours.”

***

Jim almost died today and Spock was so angry. Jim could feel it through the bond. Spock didn’t show it, not in ways anyone other than Jim would notice, but Jim could feel it. 

“Go to med bay captain,” Spock says, “I will file the report.”

“Spock I…” Jim says, reaching out.

Spock steps back, slamming his mental shields into place. “Captain,” he says, folding his hands behind his back and leaves the transporter room.

Jim slinks to med bay and doesn’t protest when Bones begins to examine him.  Hopefully he’ll keep him over night and Jim won’t have to face Spock.

“Jesus kid,” Bones says, snapping off his gloves, “You’re scaring the shit out of me.”

“I  willingly let you give me a medical exam after a mission shouldn’t you be rejoicing?” Jim asks.

“God,” Bones mumbled, “That even lacked your normal annoying tone. What the hell went down on that planet?”

“I almost died,” Jim replies.

“Well I know that but you almost die all the time,” Bones says, rolling his eyes, “What makes this time different?”

“Spock’s mad,” Jim mumbles.

Bones fake whispers with a laugh, “How do you know?” Jim drops his head into his hands. “Is it  really that bad?”

“He’s blocking me,” Jim says, “He’s never done that unless he had too. Before he blocked me, he was so angry Bones. I don’t think he’s been that angry since… since… God I don’t even know.”

“well you’re cleared,” Bones says, smacking his shoulder, “Go talk to him.”

Jim stiffens. “You sure I don’t need to stay overnight.”

“I don’t need you stinking up my med bay,” Bones says, “Jim,” Bones continues when Jim doesn’t move, “Take it from me. Communication is key. Jocelynn and I didn’t talk about our problems and that complicated our relationship far too much.”

Jim shakes his head. “Your advice is shit Bones,” He says, pushing himself off the bed.

Jim laughs as Bones yells, “Hey!” after him.

He feels dread settle in his chest as he drags himself back to Spock and his shared quarters. Spock isn’t there when he gets back and Jim drags himself to the shower. He knows he should  just get a sonic shower and go to bed, forget this whole awful day. Yet water showers have always soothed him and he can’t resist it right now. He strips down and turns the water on hot. 

He doesn’t know how long he’s in the shower when Spock’s voice cuts through the quiet ‘shshsh’ of the shower. “Jim?”

Jim doesn’t know how to respond, isn’t ready for the inevitable fight. He opts for what he hopes is a neutral answer and says, “I’m sorry Spock. Did you want bathroom? I didn’t realize how long I had been in here.”

Jim reaches to shut off the water but Spock cuts him off, “Jim. That is not why I came in here. I was,” he hesitated, “Worried when I did not see you in our quarters. I  merely came to make sure you were okay.”

Jim huffs out a self-deprecating laugh. “Right yeah. I’m fine Spock. No need to worry.”

“Fine has variable definitions and is  therefore unacceptable,” Spock says.

Jim lets his head fall back with a dull thud against the shower wall. “I’m good, great, A-Okay, terrific, super, wonderful, smashing…”

“Captain,” Spock cuts off and Jim tries not to flinch, “If I may.” he sounds like he’s making a request on the bridge and if that doesn’t hurt. “You are overcompensating. Which most likely means that you are not ‘A-Okay’ as you suggest.” Jim can hear the air quotes; he would laugh in any other situation.

“Today has been long,” Jim replies, “I’ll be okay. I’ll be out soon unless you want to shower now.”

“Jim. Would you allow me too…” Something makes Spock stop and he instead opts to say, “Never mind. I  shall see you back in our quarters.”

“Spock,” Jim says, “If you want the shower I can get out.”

“ Perhaps I could join you instead,” Spock says and Jim freezes for a second.

“If you want too,” Jim says. Spock is still blocking him. That can’t be a good sign, right?

“I do,” Spock says, “You do not,  however , have to feel an obligated to say yes to me.”

“I know Spock,” Jim says with a sigh, “ Just get in if you want too or kick me out if you want to shower alone.”

After a couple seconds the shower door opens and Spock steps in. Jim shuffles to allow space for Spock to stand under the spray of water.

“Have you washed your hair yet?” Spock replies.

Jim shakes his head.

“May I?” Spock asks, picking up the shampoo bottle.

Jim wraps his arms around his shoulders. “I don’t want your pity,” he snaps, “ Just yell at me and get this over with,” he mumbled, shrinking back.

“T’hy’la,” Spock says, reaching up and cupping Jim’s face. He  gently brings their foreheads together. “I am not here because I pity you. I also do not intend to yell at you. I actually came here to do the opposite,” Spock says, “I wish to apologize.”

Jim furrows his brow, “I don’t understand.”

“I allowed my anger to filter through the bond.  Then I blocked you without telling you why, furthering your distress,” Spock says as he  gently runs his hands through Jim’s hair as he washed it .

“You have every right to be mad at me,” Jim says, shaking his head.

“Jim,” Spock says,  gently , “I was not mad at you. I  was frustrated that you would put yourself in that situation. I was angry at the men who almost killed you but I was never angry with you.”

“Why were you blocking me?” Jim asks.

“My anger was distressing you and I needed time and space to calm down before I approached you," Spock says, “I have meditated and am now again in control of my emotions . I,  however , have not dropped the mental block yet as I wished to speak to you before I did so.”

And god its so logical Jim wants to laugh. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles

“Jim,” Spock says, turning him back around, “Ashayam. I love you more than anything in this universe. I would watch the world burn to protect you. You have no reason to apologize.”

“I love you too,” Jim replies and god he  really does. He loves Spock at all times but this  emotionally vulnerable Spock. This Spock who isn’t afraid to tell Jim he loves him and show it, this is the Spock Jim loves most.

“Today was hard T’hy’la. Let’s go to bed,” Spock says.

Jim nods and reaches past him to turn off the shower. When they get out Spock wraps him in a towel and leads him to their room. Once they are both dressed Jim all but collapses in the bed and Spock follows not far behind, curling around him.

“You are safe Ashayam, sleep,” Spock whispers.

Jim hums and burrows deeper into Spock’s chest and allows himself to finally drift into oblivion.

***

“Spock,” Jim says walking into the  nearly empty science labs. 

“Captain?” Spock asks not looking up from what he’s working on.

“Spock stop,” Jim says, laying his hands on Spock’s shoulders.

Spock shrugs him off. “I will stop when I am finished.”

“It’s not going anywhere,” Jim says, “We  just got back from a mission. You didn’t even stop in med bay. You can deal with whatever this is in the morning.”

“It needs to  be done now,” Spock snaps.

“Spock,” Jim’s voice softens even as Spock’s hardens. “We both know that this isn’t about the project.”

“What do you think its about than, Captain?” Spock sounds cold and closed off. Jim knows he’s in pain and he doesn’t know how to help.

“It was a bad mission,” Jim says, placing his hands back on Spock’s shoulders in an attempt to comfort him, “We lost good people . It’s okay if you’re upset.”

“Lieutenant Nolan,” Spock mumbles.

“Yazmina,” Jim replies.

“This was her project,” Spock says, “She would have done great things. I invited her on that mission. She should be able to finish this but she can’t because she died. She died because of me.”

“Spock,” Jim says, “Sweetheart. Come to bed. Yazmina’s death is not your fault.”

“No Jim!” Spock snarls, whipping around to face Jim, “ I  invited her down there. She died because she was attempting to impress  me.  This is  my fault.” His voice cracks and his shoulders sag.

Jim pulls Spock to his chest. “It’s okay Spock. It’s not your fault.” He strokes a hand through Spock’s hair. He pushes away from Spock and Spock’s shields slip and Jim feels his disappointment and fear. Jim laces his fingers to ease the anxiety Spock is feeling and says, “Let’s go to bed.”

“I have to finish this,” Spock says, no fight left in his voice.

“No Spock,” Jim says, “You have to go to bed. Quarters or med bay Spock. Those are your two options, Captains orders.”

Spock sags and nods, slumping against Jim’s side. Jim leads him to their quarters, strips and redresses him in softer, cleaner clothes, and leads him to bed. He lays him down and then curls him around him.

Jim runs his hands through Spock’s hair and pulls his face to his chest. “It’s okay darling.”

Spock’s shoulders shake and Jim realizes he’s  soundlessly sobbing. “Oh Spock.”

Spock tilts his head upward and lays his forehead on Jim’s. “Jim… I…”

“Rest Spock,” Jim says. Spock was too exhausted to do anything but comply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking around and i hoped you enjoyed it. as always kudos and comments are appreciated!


End file.
